I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
