Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
