What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
