I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
40s are totally the cure
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
