Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
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non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
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okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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