I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize