my mouth tastes like poor choices
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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