you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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