In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
