He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
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Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
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We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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