I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
