I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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