:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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