I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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