I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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