I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This girl is more easily done than said...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
