So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
