I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
