The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
