took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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