then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
