oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
