this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
