I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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