i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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