just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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