I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
