Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
