After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
