A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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