i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
