Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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