he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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