Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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