I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
