I'm so fucking centered right now
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
