just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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