there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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