dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
