This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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