when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
