Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
