I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
