Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dicks are not precious.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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