high people should be assigned attendants
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
