I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
