Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Little spoons don't ask big questions
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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