I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
