in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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