He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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