You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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