Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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