Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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