rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
