Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
