the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
