There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
