I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i love accidental penises.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
