If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
