she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
