it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
