does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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