Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
