rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
