When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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